I miss this. Stopping everything for a brief moment to allow her to latch and continuing a conversation or making dinner as she rested in a sling against me, gently pulling nourishment from my body. There was a lot I didn't expect at this time - feeling fatigue and dehydration beyond what I thought was humanly possible; losing more hair than what I had started with pre-pregnancy... Still mourning the birth I had hoped for her, for us.
That stung the longest.
It took a long time to write my thoughts about her journey to my arms from my round belly. I held onto the fear and resentment towards the doctor involved for far too long and it was crippling at unexpected times, like when I was paying for groceries or having a super quick-turned-long shower. Eventually, as often happens as time passes, something gave way and I let go of the hurt, allowing me to be kinder to myself, more forgiving and with less expectation of what I should or should not be doing.
Self love and acceptance of what had already happened released my self-imposed shackles.
Healing from physical pain and surgical disfigurement post-childbirth took it's toll on me mentally and it's something I wanted to share here, something deeply personal that I should not have felt ashamed about then. Looking back on photos of Love breastfeeding fills me with tear-streaming joy and it serves as a reminder of how fortunate I am to have this beautiful little girl in my life. I feel my heart swell with gratitude every single day and that's something worth holding onto, experiencing and cherishing.
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
Monday, February 18, 2019
It was a warm winter afternoon in the sun when we stopped at The Gantry to rest. Love climbed up on an old rusty relic embedded in the rock to stare at tiny fish, anemones and her reflection in the still rock pool.
We’d spent the morning driving around looking at houses for sale (like this cute little beach house on Tingira Drive)as we told imaginary stories and I contemplated moving back to my hometown with my little girl. This is the first time I’d ever brought her to region from my childhood. Some places hadn’t changed in decades whilst others were shiny and new.
The Gantry itself had been replaced and as we sat bathing in the warmth of the late afternoon sunlight, I imagined my ten year old self squealing with excitement as I leaped from the end into the cool water below. The rush of bubbles, legs and arms frantically reaching for the surface tickled my skin.
Looking down, I wondered if the water felt cold today. Probably. I doubt I'd have the courage to jump in now, the cocoon of the woollen blanket and Love tucked up against me breastfeeding was the warmth we needed as the sun dipped lower in the sky.
Love found some leftover prawn bait heads and tails and flicked them into the water. The ensuing scurry of blurry round fish scrambling to devour the stinky meal made us both oohhh and ahhh in amazement. It's nice to see the toadfish remained in this area, hungrily feeding on the same meals they've probably been fed for years before we visited.
These photos were taken in July 2017, one month before Love's third birthday. Now this little girl is four and half years old. Time certainly has a way of quietly slipping by but I'm certain that with effort, we can make our south coast trips more regular.
For those who live far from their hometowns, when you do visit are you filled with pangs of nostalgia, joy but also sadness? Exploring the area with Love helped me to revisit old memories and create new ones as we met up with my longest friends and their children.
There’s something magical about the south coast.
Tuesday, May 1, 2018
Towards the end of summer we started an evening ritual of home cooked meals on the headland overlooking the sea at sunset. The evenings were beautiful, sky ablaze with warm pink, orange and golden rays as the sun dipped below the western horizon. The air still comfortable enough to enjoy the last of summer's warmth before the change in seasons heralded thick socks, layered clothing, indoor play and our favourite scarves from last year.
I find the change in seasons so enchanting as familiar rituals see us cooking warm meals in place of raw salads, mulled wine in place of iced tea and focussing on slowing down. There's outdoor play whilst the sun shines and I'll admit most picnics I spent chasing Love to scoop another spoonful of dinner into her mouth as she was too excited chasing our little brown dog to sit still on our blanket. This summer she would gleefully yell 'Yook Mama!' whilst pointing at flowers, insects, birds soaring high above or rainbows in the summer rain out to sea. She's still perfecting the elusive 'L' sound. I'll miss 'yook' when she learns to say 'look', just as I miss it when she called our beloved Coco dog, 'Toto'.
I'll also miss sitting there overlooking the sea and thundering waves below. Now that daylight savings has ended, it is usually quite dark by the time I arrive home from work. My evening rituals have begun to include cooking hearty soups, preparing abundance bowls bursting with vegetables and leafy deep greens, brown rice and immunity supporting vegetable broth.
Each morning Max, our cat curls up in my lap as I squeeze in a few photo edits before Love stirs. We used to plan morning beach walks but now we prefer to snuggle as long as we can before starting the day. Yes, even our beautiful fur children know when to slow down to enjoy a warm cuddle as summer transitions to gorgeous autumn.
I've revisited my manifest diary with more intention. Have some of my goals changed now that the seasons have changed? Only slightly for my family goals and manifesting more home-focussed nature based play in the form of tending our vegetable garden (which provided us with two round butternut squash this week, perfect for roasting and warm salads!) and potting indoor plants now that we're indoors more.
We painted ladybugs, whales and moons on smooth pebbles from the beach and seaside forest. Soon we will gather them into Love's woven grass basket and hide them for other children to find around the local playground.
I love how the cooler weather brings us closer together.
Farewell beautiful summer picnics and hello autumn backyard fires under the stars.
Friday, January 26, 2018
Sunday, August 20, 2017
On a cold winter's day last month, I visited a beautiful beach on the New South Wales south coast with my childhood friend and our own children. The beach was covered in the whitest sand I have seen in Australia. The crystal clear water was icy cold, but somehow tempting enough for our two youngest (three and almost three years) to bravely wade out into the gently lapping waves. This would have been fine of course, except it was winter, there was a slight breeze and they were fully clothed.
I've got to say, there is nothing quite like trying to pull salty, drenched clothes from an unwilling toddler as the cold wind causes their skin to prickle and lips to turn an unnatural shade of blue.
It was worth the visit to this sleepy seaside town, with a population barely over 100 residents- not including the playful pod of dolphins that cruised by us as effortlessly as the soaring seagulls above.
Hyams Beach, we long to visit again soon.
Monday, April 24, 2017
Is it Monday already?
On the weekend I spent my time in allocated slots dedicated to playing with Love, editing, baking, cleaning, completing odd jobs and self-reflection. I achieved this by concentrating on individual tasks for set periods of time. My usual habit is to start several things at once but I rarely complete any of them. My To Do list seems to grow longer and it can cause the needle on my anxiety gauge to slide over into the red, stressful zone.
Here's my quick How-To to ensure greater productivity in work and how to adapt it to your daily lifestyle:
1. The key to productivity for work-related tasks is to clearly identify goals and prioritise items or goals on your To Do list by importance or impending deadline.
I started doing this at work some time ago and discovered my time management has improved so I trialled it in my daily life over the weekend with interesting results.
I'm the girl who tends to think about all the tasks I need to complete in order to 'get on top of things'. I start many at once and get distracted, rarely completing any, which is not only mentally draining but can lead to feelings of failure or disappointment.
On Friday I worked later than usual so I could dedicate my weekend time and thoughts to my daughter, without distractions (of course she notices when that happens). Prior to leaving work I scribbled two short lists, the first was a quick note with my work tasks for Monday morning. The second included items to bake a cake (Love's request) and to pick up a mixer tap at the hardware store over the weekend. On the way home from work I stopped by the grocery store to purchase eggs and baking items, happily crossing items off the second list.
When I arrived home to warm cuddles and coos of joy from Love, I was present in the moment. I enjoyed it thoroughly, free from distraction. No work walked through the door with me as I had left it in the office on a tiny yellow Post-It note.
So there's list making and prioritising your time on achieving the tasks that create wonderful results, but what else?
2. Focus on one task at a time
Multitasking is naturally possible with those tasks that do not require much thought. These are the kinds of tasks which are inconsequential or are learnt and become second nature, like walking whilst listening to music or reading whilst clicking a pen. For more complex tasks, like driving in heavy rain or problem-solving under time constraints, the addition of another task can cause one to lose focus and therefore, waste valuable time. It's simple when you think of like this: What do you think is a more productive way to manage your ever-growing To Do list - Alternating between incomplete tasks or focussing your attention on one task until completion before moving onto the next?
On Saturday morning, I focussed on baking a cake with Love. When the cake tin was in the oven, we had 45 minutes baking time to move onto the next task. I set a timer on my phone, which I carried in my pocket so I could hear when I needed to check on the cake. We then ventured down to the garden to scavenge for foliage to make an indoor jungle for Love's toy dinosaurs and African mammals. Not having to worry about the cake burning meant I could solely focus my time and attention on my daughter. We had a glorious time 'on safari' in the garden collecting our natural treasures and plenty of time remaining to assemble the jungle trees using home made play dough and leaves from our garden.
When the timer sounded, Love and I excitedly remembered the cake and she joined me as I moved it to a wire rack to cool. We then returned to mindful play until the cake was ready to slice at morning tea time.
3. Spend time away from technology
This is not always possible in my work environment, particularly when I need to answer two phones, respond to emails and record my work in different computer programs. What is possible is avoiding the unnecessary distractions, like silencing the chime from a new message on Facebook or to signal a new email. Even focussed people can be distracted, however briefly by these little interruptions. The overall result is an interruption to work flow and reduced productivity.
On Sunday, I raced into the hardware store to purchase the last item on my weekend list, the replacement mixer tap. I then texted my tenant to arrange a time to install the tap and for the next few hours, I silenced my phone and turned off the vibration function to deliberately ignore notifications. No calls or emails, just driving with my family to the beach. Once there, we enjoyed fish and chips, before swimming and building sandcastles. Next, we ran with our little dog Coco and finished the beach day with a visit to a seaside playground, full of swings, slides and laughing children. There were no unrealistic expectations to be anywhere else. What's more important, there were no distractions from social media or phone calls. I was present with my family, which felt relaxing and just as it should be.
4. Be organised and realistic with allocated time frames
Writing a To Do list with unrealistic time frames to achieve important tasks is one sure-fire way to create unnecessary stress. Some tasks require longer than others so allocating set times to work on a task before moving onto the next can be very helpful, this still ensures focus on one task at a time even if you can't finish one task first. I apply this strategy when I have reports or edited photos due so that I may focus on set tasks for say one hour, then move on to allow time to work on other tasks, which might also rank quite high on my list of priorities. This also allows time for others to respond to me if I've requested additional information. If a task will take a long time, it's better to start it, rather than feeling concerned over what is left to do.
In my home life over the weekend, I allocated blocks of time to cater to meal times, play time, cleaning, replacing the leaky tap, educational toddler activities, self-reflection and importantly, rest. I wasn't worried about what I should be doing. When I showered, I enjoyed the shower. When I baked, I enjoyed the little sticky fingers helping me to scrape the cake batter into the tin. When I cleaned, I loaded the clothes into the washing machine, then vacuumed and scrubbed until the washing was ready to hang out to dry. Each task had a separate block of time and at no time did I allow myself to begin to worry about what was next. There was a natural order to each task, without self-imposed pressure.
I realised very quickly that I paid more attention to Love when she called out for mama - I answered her the first time. She felt listened to because she appeared happier, more talkative and keen to show me new things. When she took my hand during play time, I followed her. It was genuinely one of the best weekends I have enjoyed with Love since I can remember. Which brings me to my final tip for improving productivity...
5. Ensure you have adequate rest
What I love most about autumn is how easily it comes to me to embrace slower daily rhythms. We give our bodies time to rest and heal from minor illnesses with the cooler change in season. We savour warm, comfort dishes; we read more and visit the library every other week to replenish our books. We gradually become homebodies, but continue to venture outside in the middle of the day to visit the beach or river or garden before winter arrives.
Rest is vital to ensure we can concentrate, to improve our immune response and to improve our mood. Without adequate rest, productivity and happiness suffers. It naturally follows that rest time should be incorporated into daily work and lifestyle routines. Rest can take the form of sitting with your child to read a book, practising deep breathing, going to bed earlier on weekends, enjoying lunch away from your computer or having quiet time.
The overall results from my weekend were very positive. So much so that I have continued into the working week with the same approach. It works for me and I'm finding with time, I am completing tasks much faster by following the above easy steps than if I were to revert back to the juggling act.
I'm keen to know if you have other tips for improving productivity in your daily life. What's your best tip?
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
One moment we were living week to week in dry, lip-cracking, skin prickling heat. Then the rain came with the tropical low from Ex-Tropical Cyclone Debbie. We live south of the Queensland border so the rain and wind which battered our little house only snapped a large tree branch in our backyard, the very same branch I had climbed with Love the week before the cyclone made landfall. Thankfully, the flooding was minimal in our town but others further north weren't so lucky. You only need to search for the town of Lismore in Google to see the devastation caused when the levee was breached in the dark of the night. I lived in Lismore for a few of my teen years and it flooded then, but nothing of the magnitude of the last flood. We've donated blankets and clothes, including some of Love's items, which she has long outgrown but parting with those items was difficult for me. The sadness eased when I thought about the families in need who would receive our package.
Now it seems the autumn cool has settled in and as we pull up our woollen socks, research the best places to source our firewood and set the crock pot on the kitchen bench, it's new home for the next few months, our daily rhythms have slowed to allow our bodies to adjust to the shorter days.
On weekends we continue to venture to the beach however, now we carry extra blankets under our arms, rather than surfboards and damp towels.
The wild wind lashes the coast, bending the trees and howling passed us in hurried gusts. Probably racing to the mountains to warn of impending coastal storms.
We've all suffered the inevitable sniffles, feverish foreheads and dull aches as we transition from the blistering hot summer to this new season.
I adore autumn.
Someone once told me that you are most fond of the season in which you were born and as I sit here, draped in a soft blanket, sipping my chai, I'm comforted knowing that this season - the foliage in rich hues and warm cuddles with my daughter - this season feels like home.